August 25, 2010, Day 14

I stepped out of my routine this morning, and did an hour long yoga practice before I meditated. It almost felt like I had forgotten to brush my teeth. Fortunately, the Day-14-email reminded me that I am not my body, nor any other image I have of myself but pure consciousness. So I guess it is not such a big deal. Let's keep the focus on the bigger picture.

I sit against the couch, taking into account the mental note I made yesterday. It feels comfortable. I know that it is also the yoga practice that helps me sit on the floor more easily. Davidji talks. I don't really pay attention. I am having a lot of thoughts. To my surprise, I don't mind. I mean, having those thoughts. It doesn't upset me anymore, knowing that I just happen to experience one of the 3 possible when-you-meditate-this-is-what-happens options (as Davidji explained on Day 7). I just sit still with my eyes closed. I am surprised about the randomness of my thoughts though. They jump from making a hair dresser appointment in October (!!) to the list of things I have to do, and then to where we will have dinner tonight and... I don't even remember. Where are all these thoughts coming from? Who is thinking? Or, suddenly hearing Davidji's question: Who am I?

Inhale "Who am I"?, exhale "Who am I"? I repeat this questions without actually looking for, or expecting, an answer. Suddenly, it seems that my body it just a sheath with nothing in it. Like my skin is wrapped around a lot of nothing, and somewhere inside something is breathing. Who is breathing? Am I the one that breathes? Am I the nothingness? Somehow I know very sure that I am not the wrapper. So Davidji is right about that one: I am not my body. But what is that body without me, whatever that me may be? I experience the breathing, the nothingness. Nothingness and breathing. Whoever I am, "I" feels very peaceful.

Davidji ends the mediation way too early. I know I can stay in my breathing nothingness for as long as I want. But I must admit: it is also a little boring. All these thoughts are actually much more entertaining. I guess that makes "I" the one who is watching the thoughts as a funny show. I am still not sure where that "I" is residing though. Maybe I'll find out tomorrow.

Stay tuned.
Marije