The 21-Day-Meditation-Challenge ended a week ago. Have I been meditating since? Yes. Have I gotten any better at it? No. Do I have the best intentions? I do. So what exactly did I win by doing this challenge and completing it too?
First of all, let me repeat what I hoped the challenge would bring me. I was hoping for peace. Inner peace and a quiet mind. Better yet, to not have any thoughts at all. Well, soon enough I found out that there is no such thing as not having thoughts. Not having thoughts would mean being dead. Now that could potentially be Nirvana too, but not the kind I was looking for. So I accepted that it is okay to have thoughts while I meditate. I meditate and I have thoughts. That is just the way it is. At least for now.
Furthermore, the challenge has brought me something unexpected. The answer to the question: what do I want? (And it is not: being pissed off!) I want to inspire people. I want to inspire the whole world. I want everyone to be inspired to be the most enlightened version of themselves. To act from love, rather than reacting from fear. To know that a couple of deep breaths will make a difference between a fight and letting go. That being happy is more important than being right.
How am I going to do that? How am I going to inspire the world? I don't know. During those 21 days I have found though, that something inside me has changed. My connection with the Universe has become more palpable (if that is possible). That I am more "in the flow" and that meditating helps me being a better person. I think of Ghandi when I say that in order to change the world, I have to start with myself. I am started. Thoughts or not. How is that for a winner? I'd call it a win-win.
Stay tuned.
Marije
donderdag 9 september 2010
woensdag 1 september 2010
September 1, 2010, Day 21
Today is the last day of the meditation challenge. Have I been looking forward to this day? Actually..., no. I have found it very convenient to sit and just listen to Davidji. Not only convenient, but also nice. Very nice. Davidji's voice has become so familiar now. Even though he annoyed me at times, his voice is always soothing and reassuring. So... I feel a bit nostalgic about this last day. And I am still not sure whether I can call myself a "good" meditator by now.
I sit against the couch with my iPod. My thoughts are with me. Davidji recites a poem by Rumi. The words are beautiful, but I miss half of them. I am not really paying attention. I am distracted. I am doing my best to stay focused. I am thinking about tomorrow: "How am I ever going to meditate for 30 minutes twice a day, as suggested by the Chopra Center, if I can't even do it for less time while holding Davidji's hand?" I remind myself that it is normal to have thoughts and that I am meditating anyway. "Okay, just inhale and exhale."
"Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?" No matter how often I repeat this question, I don't get an answer. I do know the answer though, but I think that that doesn't count. I mean, shouldn't the answer come from within? Or by way of some big revelation accompanied with bright flashing lights and heavenly fragrances?
"What do I want? What do I want? What do I want?" I want my leg to stop falling asleep. I want my thoughts to go away. I want to not answer the question. "What is my Dharma"? I give up. I know the answer to this question too. It's just not really working for me today. I want to sit and think about nothing. I breathe in and I breathe out.
"Aham Brahmasmi". There, Davidji just gave the answer. And with that, the 21-day-meditation-challenge has come to an end. It is bitter and sweet, good and bad, a relieve and a disappointment, a joy and a sorrow. It is what it is. Have I gotten from this experience what I expected, or hoped for? Have I won what I wanted to win? I think I have to meditate on these questions some more....
Stay tuned.
Marije
I sit against the couch with my iPod. My thoughts are with me. Davidji recites a poem by Rumi. The words are beautiful, but I miss half of them. I am not really paying attention. I am distracted. I am doing my best to stay focused. I am thinking about tomorrow: "How am I ever going to meditate for 30 minutes twice a day, as suggested by the Chopra Center, if I can't even do it for less time while holding Davidji's hand?" I remind myself that it is normal to have thoughts and that I am meditating anyway. "Okay, just inhale and exhale."
"Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?" No matter how often I repeat this question, I don't get an answer. I do know the answer though, but I think that that doesn't count. I mean, shouldn't the answer come from within? Or by way of some big revelation accompanied with bright flashing lights and heavenly fragrances?
"What do I want? What do I want? What do I want?" I want my leg to stop falling asleep. I want my thoughts to go away. I want to not answer the question. "What is my Dharma"? I give up. I know the answer to this question too. It's just not really working for me today. I want to sit and think about nothing. I breathe in and I breathe out.
"Aham Brahmasmi". There, Davidji just gave the answer. And with that, the 21-day-meditation-challenge has come to an end. It is bitter and sweet, good and bad, a relieve and a disappointment, a joy and a sorrow. It is what it is. Have I gotten from this experience what I expected, or hoped for? Have I won what I wanted to win? I think I have to meditate on these questions some more....
Stay tuned.
Marije
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