After a long nice morning in bed, I looked at the clock. It was 11:11... I guess today's email is right in saying that the powerful benefits and miracles of meditation happen when you’re not meditating.
Day 11's meditation doesn't start of miraculously though. Davidji is talking from my laptop, which is too far away from me because it needs to be charged, while the washing machine upstairs is making a lot of noise. I try to ignore the rattling and focus on what Davidji is saying. I have a hard time hearing him. I get frustrated because I want to follow Davidji's guidance, but I can't, and annoyed that I am not having a joyful experience. I have a hard time breathing deeply. Even though I might have heard Davidji say to surrender to whatever is going on in the moment, I stop the audio. I like this meditation experience to be joyful. B. (who is meditating with me) turns off the washing machine. I hit "play" again.
After all this turmoil I try to become quiet inside. I am sitting in my familiar meditation position, listening to Davidji's instruction to feel myself lifting off and fly. "Surrender completely". This cue has the opposite effect on me. When I surrender completely, I feel myself sinking into the ground. My hips and legs are relaxing and becoming very heavy. I am accepting and embracing my presence her on Earth. I don't want to fly.
Davidji suggests to let go of this experience and take a deep breath in and out. Suddenly, I feel myself expanding. As if my mind is becoming larger and larger and my head is crown-less. I am connected to The Universe and The Universe to me. I am The Universe. I am not thinking it, I experience it. I am infinite, eternal and whole.
"Aham Brahmashmi". Davidji ends the meditation by repeating "I am the Universe". I suppose he and I just met in The Gap... I notice that my breathing has changed and that I can inhale deeply and freely. This is very joyful.
Later in the afternoon, B. and I walk on the beach. The ocean is turbulent. The sound of the waves is pounding and soothing at the same time. We both think it is a great sound to meditate to. We do a walking meditation: one of us walks with their eyes closed and the other makes sure that the meditator doesn't step onto a rock or walks into the water. The first time that I walk with my eyes closed I notice a curious split inside. A part of me wants to walk forward and surrender, while another part is literally holding back and makes me slow down. Is this the trick my mind plays when I am moving on in my life, sometimes not knowing where my path will bring me? We have changed direction and are walking against the wind when it is my turn again. Maybe it is because I am walking in the dark for the third time, but it seems to be easier now. I surrender to the unknown and keep walking. Or maybe it is the force of the wind pushing me back that makes me want to charge forward?
Indeed, the results of the meditations are presenting themselves throughout the day.
It is 11:11 p.m...
Stay tuned.
Marije
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