August 21, 2010, Day 10

I am almost halfway through the challenge. As I wrote earlier, I already notice a difference in my meditations. The biggest triumph of which (Davidji requested me to name it) is that I'm more gentle with myself. I am not judging myself anymore for the fact that I am having these thoughts all the time. I have noticed also, that there seems to be a difference between having thoughts and thinking. I do the thinking deliberately. The thoughts just come. That makes me wonder. What are these thoughts? Whose are they?

I sit on my yoga block with my eyes closed. Davidji is talking (no video today). My attention wanders off. Another challenge presents itself (and maybe it's my biggest challenge, now that I think of it, and not just when I meditate): to stay in the present moment. Davidji explains about the physical, subtle and causal bodies. I almost write "my" physical, subtle and causal bodies, but Davidji reminds me this morning that this is not who I am. I might think I am, but I am not. This is interesting. Another synchronicity presents itself: earlier this morning I was reading in the Course in Miracles. The lesson of the day is, that everything I see is just the image I make of it. In other words: nothing is what I think I see and I am not who I think I am. Are you following me?

"So Hum So Hum", as per Davidji's directions I stop repeating these words in my mind but just breathe. My breath is actually making a "So" sound on the inhale and a "Hum" sound on the exhale. This makes it a lot easier. The mantra and my breath collide. For a short moment I am in The Gap. Then my thoughts are back and I drift off. When Davidji ends my meditation I sit still for another few moments. I feel silent.

I wanted to win something in this challenge. I have already won, even before the challenge is over. It's not about winning anymore. I just like to sit still with my eyes closed. I'll do it again tomorrow.

Stay tuned.
Marije

PS. Sure enough, when I turned on the light at the bed side table last night, the alarm clock said 11:11...