August 14, 2010, Day 3

This morning I found out that we have between 60,000 and 80,000 thoughts a day. That is what Davidji said, starting of the meditation this challenge Day 3. That is 1.2 thoughts per second. Also, I learned that it is therefore very normal to have thoughts while meditating. It is even a misconception that meditation will lead to not having thoughts. A simultaneous relief and disappointment. At least, I am not doing anything wrong when I have all those thoughts during my meditation. But my goal to have total silence in my mind seems a little far fetched now too. I am not giving up though, and I get comfortable on my yoga block (yes, I am trying it again).

Davidji talks about thoughts. It is oke to have thoughts. Even more so, he is going to say a word and I am allowed to think/meditate on it for a while. I anticipate thinking about the word God, or something similarly enlightening. That is why I burst out laughing when I hear him say the word "strawberry". For a moment I am so perplexed that my thoughts actually stop. Maybe that was the purpose? I am actually not sure what to think of. "Strawberry"? I guess just the wondering is thinking too. Now I get confused. "What am I supposed to do? O yeah, strawberry. Mmm..strawberry pie?" Then I think of my mom who loves strawberries and my thoughts run of.

Davidji brings me back and invites me to focus on the present. Stay in the moment and bring the past or the future back to it. It seems like such a waste not to be in the present, I catch myself thinking. "When I am not in the present but constantly thinking about what is yet to come, what all am I missing that is going on right now?" I notice the music, which I like. I start thinking that I might buy the CD. "Is that thinking about the future or not? I mean, it is about the music I am hearing right now, right?" I get confused again. Well, this really is a challenge, isn't it? Just to make sense of my own thoughts is hard already.

Then, I hear Davidji say that I am The Gap. The nothingness in between two thoughts, where there is silence. That is me. So if I am The Gap, who are my thoughts? I guess I have to keep meditating to find that out.

Stay tuned.
Marije