August 18, 2010, Day 7

On day 0 of the meditation challenge, I wrote that I want to win the battle with my blaring thoughts. I want to reach that point where there is complete silence inside. Well, the bad news is, as I learned today: when I have no thoughts I'm dead. There is no such thing as not having thoughts. Ever. Not even while meditating in a cave for 100 days. In my daily email I read that a "good" meditation does not mean I reach Nirvana, see the Buddha or meet God while I am meditating. Actually, meditation is always good, just because of the mere fact that I am meditating. At least that is what the email says. I guess I lost another illusion today...

I take my meditation position, seated up right against the couch. Davidji's voice sounds so familiar now. He too, reassures me that having thoughts while I meditate doesn't mean I am doing it wrong. There are only 3 things that can happen during meditation: 1. I have thoughts; 2. I fall asleep; 3. I fall in The Gap, uuuh I mean: I experience silence, known as The Gap. The Gap is the silence in between 2 thoughts (so you see, there are still thoughts!). The good news is: I never fall asleep during meditation, simply because I cannot sleep seated. So that leaves just 2 possible experiences. That makes is easier! I guess I am already thinking a lot during these few moments of mediation.

All of a sudden Davidji is silent. As if he lets go of my hand and I have to swim on my own. Alone in the darkness. My thoughts hide. Now that they know they are allowed to be there, they don't find it fun anymore to distract me. It is almost silent. "So Hum. So Hum". My thoughts are passing by. They are like people that walk by my window. I acknowledge them, but I don't need to say "Hi" to everyone. I feel peaceful.

I believe now, that meditation is about the intention to focus, rather than having complete silence in my head. And then suddenly during the day, in the midst of big turmoil, I might experience stillness. I'd sign up for that. Good there are still 14 days of the challenge left.

Stay tuned.
Marije