August 13, 2010, Day 2

The e-mail I received this morning with the meditation for Day 2, mentioned that this day could be the hardest. The excitement of Day 1 has faded and there is the apprehension whether this is actually going to work. Especially if the meditation on Day 1 didn't go as hoped for. I was actually looking forward to the meditation, but, just in case, I decided to take a different approach. I downloaded the meditation on my iPod, so I would have Davidji's guidance very close, and I left my yoga block on the side.

I get comfortable in a big cozy chair. Davidji's voice streams directly into both my ears, which makes it feel as if he is physically present and whispering over my shoulder. I like it. My breath and I flow on his voice. I like the music too. But then he points out that anticipating to reach enlightenment after just one day of meditation can be a little aggressive, and I am lost in thoughts. I notice that I don't like the use of the word "aggresive" here. It takes me out of the cozy feeling, it feels, well, aggressive. Then I realize that I am holding on to this one word, while he keeps talking about the breath, like the Buddhist monk who didn't want to carry a woman over the river. Back to the breathing.

I am thinking "I am breathing in" on the inhale and "I am breathing out" on the exhale, as directed by Davidji. This works. When I just focus on these four words, there seems to be no room in my mind for other thoughts. I like it. Sure enough, as soon as I realize this, my thoughts wonder of. I focus again. And it works. Since this is a challenge, and I like challenges, I decide once more to take a slightly different approach: "I am breathing in" on the inhale and "-" (silence) on the exhale. This works too. I like it. And then the other way around: silence and "I am breathing out". Maybe I am not supposed to do this? Am I not accepting "what is", and am I trying to change "what is" because I think I know better? Oh these thoughts!

Then, I feel calm and safe and try not to judge my little personal challenge. The meditation is over. Like yesterday, the meditation seems short. Yet today it was just long enough. I will not expect enlightenment over night, but I feel a genuine curiousity about how the rest of this challenge will unfold.

Stay tuned.
Marije