The 21-Day-Meditation-Challenge ended a week ago. Have I been meditating since? Yes. Have I gotten any better at it? No. Do I have the best intentions? I do. So what exactly did I win by doing this challenge and completing it too?
First of all, let me repeat what I hoped the challenge would bring me. I was hoping for peace. Inner peace and a quiet mind. Better yet, to not have any thoughts at all. Well, soon enough I found out that there is no such thing as not having thoughts. Not having thoughts would mean being dead. Now that could potentially be Nirvana too, but not the kind I was looking for. So I accepted that it is okay to have thoughts while I meditate. I meditate and I have thoughts. That is just the way it is. At least for now.
Furthermore, the challenge has brought me something unexpected. The answer to the question: what do I want? (And it is not: being pissed off!) I want to inspire people. I want to inspire the whole world. I want everyone to be inspired to be the most enlightened version of themselves. To act from love, rather than reacting from fear. To know that a couple of deep breaths will make a difference between a fight and letting go. That being happy is more important than being right.
How am I going to do that? How am I going to inspire the world? I don't know. During those 21 days I have found though, that something inside me has changed. My connection with the Universe has become more palpable (if that is possible). That I am more "in the flow" and that meditating helps me being a better person. I think of Ghandi when I say that in order to change the world, I have to start with myself. I am started. Thoughts or not. How is that for a winner? I'd call it a win-win.
Stay tuned.
Marije
donderdag 9 september 2010
woensdag 1 september 2010
September 1, 2010, Day 21
Today is the last day of the meditation challenge. Have I been looking forward to this day? Actually..., no. I have found it very convenient to sit and just listen to Davidji. Not only convenient, but also nice. Very nice. Davidji's voice has become so familiar now. Even though he annoyed me at times, his voice is always soothing and reassuring. So... I feel a bit nostalgic about this last day. And I am still not sure whether I can call myself a "good" meditator by now.
I sit against the couch with my iPod. My thoughts are with me. Davidji recites a poem by Rumi. The words are beautiful, but I miss half of them. I am not really paying attention. I am distracted. I am doing my best to stay focused. I am thinking about tomorrow: "How am I ever going to meditate for 30 minutes twice a day, as suggested by the Chopra Center, if I can't even do it for less time while holding Davidji's hand?" I remind myself that it is normal to have thoughts and that I am meditating anyway. "Okay, just inhale and exhale."
"Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?" No matter how often I repeat this question, I don't get an answer. I do know the answer though, but I think that that doesn't count. I mean, shouldn't the answer come from within? Or by way of some big revelation accompanied with bright flashing lights and heavenly fragrances?
"What do I want? What do I want? What do I want?" I want my leg to stop falling asleep. I want my thoughts to go away. I want to not answer the question. "What is my Dharma"? I give up. I know the answer to this question too. It's just not really working for me today. I want to sit and think about nothing. I breathe in and I breathe out.
"Aham Brahmasmi". There, Davidji just gave the answer. And with that, the 21-day-meditation-challenge has come to an end. It is bitter and sweet, good and bad, a relieve and a disappointment, a joy and a sorrow. It is what it is. Have I gotten from this experience what I expected, or hoped for? Have I won what I wanted to win? I think I have to meditate on these questions some more....
Stay tuned.
Marije
I sit against the couch with my iPod. My thoughts are with me. Davidji recites a poem by Rumi. The words are beautiful, but I miss half of them. I am not really paying attention. I am distracted. I am doing my best to stay focused. I am thinking about tomorrow: "How am I ever going to meditate for 30 minutes twice a day, as suggested by the Chopra Center, if I can't even do it for less time while holding Davidji's hand?" I remind myself that it is normal to have thoughts and that I am meditating anyway. "Okay, just inhale and exhale."
"Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?" No matter how often I repeat this question, I don't get an answer. I do know the answer though, but I think that that doesn't count. I mean, shouldn't the answer come from within? Or by way of some big revelation accompanied with bright flashing lights and heavenly fragrances?
"What do I want? What do I want? What do I want?" I want my leg to stop falling asleep. I want my thoughts to go away. I want to not answer the question. "What is my Dharma"? I give up. I know the answer to this question too. It's just not really working for me today. I want to sit and think about nothing. I breathe in and I breathe out.
"Aham Brahmasmi". There, Davidji just gave the answer. And with that, the 21-day-meditation-challenge has come to an end. It is bitter and sweet, good and bad, a relieve and a disappointment, a joy and a sorrow. It is what it is. Have I gotten from this experience what I expected, or hoped for? Have I won what I wanted to win? I think I have to meditate on these questions some more....
Stay tuned.
Marije
dinsdag 31 augustus 2010
August 31, 2010, Day 20
Day 20 of the challenge. And a real challenge it is. When I am done with my yoga practice, B. says that there is no meditation email and that the meditation is not posted on the Chopra website either. I don't bother to check it and suggest we do our own meditation. After all, we are almost pros now. I put on the Brian Lobst's Sound Meditation track. The one with the singing bowls that Davidji uses all the time.
I sit on my block and take a deep breath in. While I exhale I settle for my meditation. This is the moment all my thoughts have been waiting for. No Davidji who distracts my mind and keeps me from thinking. So there they are again: my thoughts. They fly around like butterflies. They don't have a steady direction but seem to be all over the place. I wonder if I can catch them with a butterfly net. But my thoughts run off, imagining a butterfly net and how I would catch them. "Mmm, if the thoughts are thinking about how they can be caught, who is catching them? And won't my thoughts always be quicker than the catcher? Who is there first? The thought, or the thought that wants to catch the thought? Oh, this gets confusing!" At least I know now, that I am still meditating. I mean, the fact that I am having all these thoughts doesn't mean I am not meditating. Actually, that is another thought I have: buried under all these thoughts must be the meditator somewhere. After almost 10 minutes, I imagine my head being this crystal ball with water that you can shake, and which makes the snow swirl around. Eventually, the snow settles and the water is clear again. It takes me these full 10 minutes to have the swirling thoughts in my head settle down. And then I have had enough. I say a silent "Aham Brahmasmi".
O my, how am I going to do this after the challenge is really over? How can I meditate with ease and without Davidji? I have one more day to practice.
Stay tuned.
Marije
PS. The irony is, that after I'm done and I check my email, it turns out that the Day 20 email was there all the time. I guess this was a cosmic test: to see whether I am ready for Life-after-the-Challenge...
I sit on my block and take a deep breath in. While I exhale I settle for my meditation. This is the moment all my thoughts have been waiting for. No Davidji who distracts my mind and keeps me from thinking. So there they are again: my thoughts. They fly around like butterflies. They don't have a steady direction but seem to be all over the place. I wonder if I can catch them with a butterfly net. But my thoughts run off, imagining a butterfly net and how I would catch them. "Mmm, if the thoughts are thinking about how they can be caught, who is catching them? And won't my thoughts always be quicker than the catcher? Who is there first? The thought, or the thought that wants to catch the thought? Oh, this gets confusing!" At least I know now, that I am still meditating. I mean, the fact that I am having all these thoughts doesn't mean I am not meditating. Actually, that is another thought I have: buried under all these thoughts must be the meditator somewhere. After almost 10 minutes, I imagine my head being this crystal ball with water that you can shake, and which makes the snow swirl around. Eventually, the snow settles and the water is clear again. It takes me these full 10 minutes to have the swirling thoughts in my head settle down. And then I have had enough. I say a silent "Aham Brahmasmi".
O my, how am I going to do this after the challenge is really over? How can I meditate with ease and without Davidji? I have one more day to practice.
Stay tuned.
Marije
PS. The irony is, that after I'm done and I check my email, it turns out that the Day 20 email was there all the time. I guess this was a cosmic test: to see whether I am ready for Life-after-the-Challenge...
maandag 30 augustus 2010
August 30, 2010, Day 19
Day 19 of the meditation challenge. "Am I supposed to see colors when I meditate?", I wonder when I read the title of today's email: "I see colors!". I don't. I mean, I usually don't see colors when I meditate, unless I do a guided meditation and I am guided to visualize a path in the woods, or something similarly symbolic. Then yes, I would see a full-color movie in my mind's eye. Have I missed something during the first 18 days? To my relieve, the email continues to say that we "sometimes" see colors while we meditate. "Okay, good". I do get excited though, when I read that today's meditation will be about the chakras. The energy centers in the body. I have studied the chakras (that is: my own, as well as in general) extensively, so I am curious what the meditation will be like.
I lie down on my yoga mat. I am not cheating. It is Davidji's suggestions that I gladly follow. Davidji talks me through all the seven chakras. Calling them by name, their color, pointing out the issues involved, and chanting the seed sound connected with it. I feel the physical location of each chakra, and I "see" the color of it surrounding my body. I chant the sounds in unison with Davidji. It feels like I am tuning my energy system, like you would do with a musical instrument: Root chakra, red, grounding, "LAM"; Second chakra, orange, sexuality and creativity, "VAM"; Third chakra, yellow, will power, "RAM"; Heart chakra, green, unconditional love, "YAM"; Throat chakra, blue, truth, "HUM"; Third eye, purple "SHAM" (I must say that I get a little distracted here, since I have learned that the sound of this chakra would be "OM", but oh well..); Crown chakra, white, spiritual connection, "OM" (confusion again: "Isn't the sound here silence? As in: no sound? Okay, maybe I shouldn't be thinking and be quiet...".).
At the end of the meditation, it is as if there is a layer of energy hovering above my body. Like the mirage above the road on a hot day. I am not sure what it means, but it doesn't matter. It feels good, even though the meditation is different from what I have done in the past 18 days. There was no silence. No Gap to step into. No nothingness. Interestingly enough, the effect of the meditation is the same. I feel peaceful. And that is exactly what I am after anyways. Only two days more to go.
Stay tuned.
Marije
I lie down on my yoga mat. I am not cheating. It is Davidji's suggestions that I gladly follow. Davidji talks me through all the seven chakras. Calling them by name, their color, pointing out the issues involved, and chanting the seed sound connected with it. I feel the physical location of each chakra, and I "see" the color of it surrounding my body. I chant the sounds in unison with Davidji. It feels like I am tuning my energy system, like you would do with a musical instrument: Root chakra, red, grounding, "LAM"; Second chakra, orange, sexuality and creativity, "VAM"; Third chakra, yellow, will power, "RAM"; Heart chakra, green, unconditional love, "YAM"; Throat chakra, blue, truth, "HUM"; Third eye, purple "SHAM" (I must say that I get a little distracted here, since I have learned that the sound of this chakra would be "OM", but oh well..); Crown chakra, white, spiritual connection, "OM" (confusion again: "Isn't the sound here silence? As in: no sound? Okay, maybe I shouldn't be thinking and be quiet...".).
At the end of the meditation, it is as if there is a layer of energy hovering above my body. Like the mirage above the road on a hot day. I am not sure what it means, but it doesn't matter. It feels good, even though the meditation is different from what I have done in the past 18 days. There was no silence. No Gap to step into. No nothingness. Interestingly enough, the effect of the meditation is the same. I feel peaceful. And that is exactly what I am after anyways. Only two days more to go.
Stay tuned.
Marije
zondag 29 augustus 2010
August 29, 2010, Day 18
"Are there any patterns that you keep repeating and reinforcing that aren’t nourishing you?" It is as if today's email has kept track of what has been going on in my life the last couple of days. Yes, indeed. I did realize the other day, that the reason I was so pissed off had to do with a pattern I am repeating. Is this meditation challenge really creating such synchronicity?
I sit on my yoga block. Davidji explains that the number 18 has significant meaning. I am listening. It is interesting. But then again, I am drifting off. That Pavlov reaction. Subsequently, Davidji talks about the "action, memory, desire, action" sequence. I am listening, but not really. I am contemplating on the questions: "Who am I?" "What do I desire"?
I feel myself expanding. It seems that I don't have a body anymore. I have no boundaries. No limitations. I just sit and breath, feeling at peace and united with everything around me. I sit there comfortably for 18 minutes. My back doesn't even hurt.
Davidji is right: in order to transform the world I need to transform myself. I think I am working on it pretty well. Three more days to go.
Stay tuned.
Marije
I sit on my yoga block. Davidji explains that the number 18 has significant meaning. I am listening. It is interesting. But then again, I am drifting off. That Pavlov reaction. Subsequently, Davidji talks about the "action, memory, desire, action" sequence. I am listening, but not really. I am contemplating on the questions: "Who am I?" "What do I desire"?
I feel myself expanding. It seems that I don't have a body anymore. I have no boundaries. No limitations. I just sit and breath, feeling at peace and united with everything around me. I sit there comfortably for 18 minutes. My back doesn't even hurt.
Davidji is right: in order to transform the world I need to transform myself. I think I am working on it pretty well. Three more days to go.
Stay tuned.
Marije
zaterdag 28 augustus 2010
August 28, 2010, Day 17
No RPM (Rise Pee Meditate), but quite a meditative morning anyway. I was at the beach at 6:15 a.m. to watch the sunrise. Back at home I read Day 17's email, did an hour of yoga and then meditated. I guess my intention for my meditation today was somehow picked-up by Davidji (or vice versa): my internal reference point is my own spirit. That's what it's all about. And thus today's meditation.
I seem to have this Pavlov reaction now: as soon as I sit on the floor in my "meditation pose" and close my eyes, I meditate. Davidji is speaking wise words, about how my happiness is not dependent on any external sources. I am either happy from within, or not. This makes sense. Actually, I know this is a profound truth. I try to live by it as good as I can. Although sometimes it is hard. Having said that, I soon drift off. I am floating. Tuning into myself.
"I am. I am. I am." I repeat the mantra and feel it swinging back and forth inside. As if there is a swing in my head. In a good way. It feels really good, actually. I just am.
I could have stayed in the meditation for another hour. When Davidji spoke the "Aham Brahmasmi", I had to get up though. When I am getting my scheduled massage after the meditation, where I also was two weeks ago, I notice that I feel different. I am not sure what "different" is in this sense. But I certainly feel that it has something to do with these 17 days of meditation. I wonder what I will feel like after Day 21...
Stay tuned.
Marije
I seem to have this Pavlov reaction now: as soon as I sit on the floor in my "meditation pose" and close my eyes, I meditate. Davidji is speaking wise words, about how my happiness is not dependent on any external sources. I am either happy from within, or not. This makes sense. Actually, I know this is a profound truth. I try to live by it as good as I can. Although sometimes it is hard. Having said that, I soon drift off. I am floating. Tuning into myself.
"I am. I am. I am." I repeat the mantra and feel it swinging back and forth inside. As if there is a swing in my head. In a good way. It feels really good, actually. I just am.
I could have stayed in the meditation for another hour. When Davidji spoke the "Aham Brahmasmi", I had to get up though. When I am getting my scheduled massage after the meditation, where I also was two weeks ago, I notice that I feel different. I am not sure what "different" is in this sense. But I certainly feel that it has something to do with these 17 days of meditation. I wonder what I will feel like after Day 21...
Stay tuned.
Marije
vrijdag 27 augustus 2010
August 27, 2010, Day 16
Today's email talks about emotional release. About the fact that meditating on a daily basis can bring up some forgotten sadness or unresolved issues. Well, I don't know that my pissed off state-of-mind yesterday is a result of my daily meditations. And if it is related to an unresolved issue, so be it. Anyhow, I feel better today. Especially when I read that the meditation of Day 16 will explore the power of the archetypes. I have read about that in one of Deepak Chopra's books and I am excited to try it.
After a half hour of yoga stretches, I sit comfortably against the couch. Davidji introduces the archetypes meditation. As I understand it, an archetype is a (mythical) role model, that will help me clarify the physical, emotional, and spiritual qualities that I value and want to cultivate in my life. My first assignment is to think about a person that I admire for what he or she does or has accomplished. Who do I admire? And for what? Shiva Rea comes to mind, Barack Obama, Elizabeth Gilbert, Deepak Chopra. They all have inspired millions of people with their yoga practice, determination to change the world for the better, books, insights and spiritual wisdom. I want to inspire too. Preferably the whole world.
What emotional state-of-mind would I like to have? Who portrays such emotions? I know pretty sure now, that I want to feel peace inside. I want to be peaceful. The first image I see in my mind's eye is that of the Buddha. He is the quintessential peacefulness. At least as far as I'm concerned. So I guess he is one of my archetypes too. What is my spiritual archetype? Is there a person that has or had such a connection with Spirit that makes me want to have that too? I am not a religious person, so to my surprise I think of Jesus Christ. Not necessarily the person who is described in the Bible, but the Christ energy he represents. A direct link to God, without reservation or second thoughts. And some direct intervention and guidance from "above" is always handy. I want that too. (I realize, that as a bonus I just answered the question of yesterday "What do I want?" Ha, I guess this challenge is really working!). Davidji continues to name other kinds of archetypes. He looses me very quickly. I just sit and tune into the music. The music has a rhythm and vibration that soothes me. I float. I feel peaceful.
After the meditation I wonder: do I need to look outside myself, wanting to be like someone else? If I am the Universe and they are too, I am them already. Right? So maybe I should only look at what traits I have that I would like to bring forward more. And maybe, it is more about the energy that those archetypes represent than that it is about the person. I guess I could tap into that energy and then make it my own. I think meditation would be a good way to go. Glad there are 5 days left.
Stay tuned.
Marije
After a half hour of yoga stretches, I sit comfortably against the couch. Davidji introduces the archetypes meditation. As I understand it, an archetype is a (mythical) role model, that will help me clarify the physical, emotional, and spiritual qualities that I value and want to cultivate in my life. My first assignment is to think about a person that I admire for what he or she does or has accomplished. Who do I admire? And for what? Shiva Rea comes to mind, Barack Obama, Elizabeth Gilbert, Deepak Chopra. They all have inspired millions of people with their yoga practice, determination to change the world for the better, books, insights and spiritual wisdom. I want to inspire too. Preferably the whole world.
What emotional state-of-mind would I like to have? Who portrays such emotions? I know pretty sure now, that I want to feel peace inside. I want to be peaceful. The first image I see in my mind's eye is that of the Buddha. He is the quintessential peacefulness. At least as far as I'm concerned. So I guess he is one of my archetypes too. What is my spiritual archetype? Is there a person that has or had such a connection with Spirit that makes me want to have that too? I am not a religious person, so to my surprise I think of Jesus Christ. Not necessarily the person who is described in the Bible, but the Christ energy he represents. A direct link to God, without reservation or second thoughts. And some direct intervention and guidance from "above" is always handy. I want that too. (I realize, that as a bonus I just answered the question of yesterday "What do I want?" Ha, I guess this challenge is really working!). Davidji continues to name other kinds of archetypes. He looses me very quickly. I just sit and tune into the music. The music has a rhythm and vibration that soothes me. I float. I feel peaceful.
After the meditation I wonder: do I need to look outside myself, wanting to be like someone else? If I am the Universe and they are too, I am them already. Right? So maybe I should only look at what traits I have that I would like to bring forward more. And maybe, it is more about the energy that those archetypes represent than that it is about the person. I guess I could tap into that energy and then make it my own. I think meditation would be a good way to go. Glad there are 5 days left.
Stay tuned.
Marije
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