Well, this morning I didn't feel the urge to meditate at all. With the jet leg still lingering, I had slept till late and I wanted to get started with my day. As if meditating is not a start to the day... It didn't get any better when I found that the supposedly 21-days-meditation-challenge Part 2, was not a Part 2 at all. It is just a repetition of the previous challenge, with the exact same meditations and accompanying e-mails. A cosmic joke? Maybe. A challenge? Definitely. I guess the Universe is telling me that I don't need a challenge in order to establish a meditation routine. Or at least I don't need Davidji's daily meditations. After feeling disappointed and frustrated, I realized that I should be able to do this on my own. Right? Just in case, I downloaded the Chopra Center's pod cast and used the Abundance Meditation as my guidance.
I can use some abundance in my life, I am thinking. Not that I am not abundant in many ways, but finances seem to be my challenge at the moment. Especially now that I have my own business and do not receive an identical pay check in the mail every month. So this Abundance Meditation seems to get me two checks in the block: abundance and meditation. Sounds good.
I sit on my yoga block and am instructed to think about 3 things that I am grateful for. Ha, I can come up with more than 3! My thoughts have a good reason to wander off. "There, you see, I am still not good at meditating!" I take a deep breath in and let the air flow out through my nose. I inhale abundance and exhale constriction. I inhale love and exhale fear. I inhale uncertainty and exhale certain pain. To my surprise, this works. Without knowing how to actually breathe in abundance, I can feel myself expanding. And not because I am filling myself with oxygen. At the same time, I wonder if this is really working. If it were, why do I still think I need to do these kind of exercises? Is it necessary to focus on abundance? Aren't we all abundant to begin with? And haven't we just forgotten and are subsequently acting accordingly? Maybe I should stop thinking.
I take another deep breath in and exhale completely. I can do this. I don't need a challenge. I will meditate every day, for the next 20 days. Just by myself. And if I need more food for thought (you never know..) I might reach for some guidance. That guidance might as well come from within. We'll see!
Stay tuned,
Marije
maandag 11 oktober 2010
zondag 10 oktober 2010
Part 2: Day 0, October 10, 2010
After having completed the 21-days-meditation-challenge, I thought I had established a new routine of meditating every morning, or at least some time every day. But then my routine got disturbed: I traveled from the East Coast via Tokyo and Singapore, to teach a yoga retreat on Bali, Indonesia. A journey of more than 30 hours, 12 hours time difference, strange beds to wake up in and on a schedule most of the time. How is that for a challenge?
I found it hard to keep my routine, feeling like I didn't have time to meditate. Even though I am the one who always tells people you don't "have" time, but "make" time... When I did find time to meditate, I used Day 22's Intention Meditation to guide me. The "bonus" meditation Davidji had sent me. I especially loved the part where the meditation focused on a pulsating white light in my heart. With that, I felt such a strong connection with the Universe that it made up for not meditating every day. And eventually, something even more interesting happened.
One day, after finishing the yoga retreat and being on a little island of the coast of Bali, I suddenly felt very strongly the need to meditate. I realized that the reason why I was feeling "weird" that day, was because my energy was scattered. I needed to ground and focus. So I used a rock on the beach as a substitute for my yoga block, sat up straight and closed my eyes. After only 5 minutes of concentrating on my breathing and visualizing a pulsating white light in my heart, I felt like a different person. Much better, that is. I was amazed. I mean, I already knew that meditating is a good thing to do, for many reasons, but I had never felt this urge before, let alone the immediate effect of the meditation afterwards. I guess the 21 days of meditation had some belated and unexpected rewards.
When I saw that there would be a 21-days-meditation-challenge Part 2, I didn't hesitate to sign up. Being back home, and still with a jet lag, I thought I could use some assistance to get back into my meditation routine. Besides, who knows what other surprises will be bestowed?
Stay tuned,
Marije
I found it hard to keep my routine, feeling like I didn't have time to meditate. Even though I am the one who always tells people you don't "have" time, but "make" time... When I did find time to meditate, I used Day 22's Intention Meditation to guide me. The "bonus" meditation Davidji had sent me. I especially loved the part where the meditation focused on a pulsating white light in my heart. With that, I felt such a strong connection with the Universe that it made up for not meditating every day. And eventually, something even more interesting happened.
One day, after finishing the yoga retreat and being on a little island of the coast of Bali, I suddenly felt very strongly the need to meditate. I realized that the reason why I was feeling "weird" that day, was because my energy was scattered. I needed to ground and focus. So I used a rock on the beach as a substitute for my yoga block, sat up straight and closed my eyes. After only 5 minutes of concentrating on my breathing and visualizing a pulsating white light in my heart, I felt like a different person. Much better, that is. I was amazed. I mean, I already knew that meditating is a good thing to do, for many reasons, but I had never felt this urge before, let alone the immediate effect of the meditation afterwards. I guess the 21 days of meditation had some belated and unexpected rewards.
When I saw that there would be a 21-days-meditation-challenge Part 2, I didn't hesitate to sign up. Being back home, and still with a jet lag, I thought I could use some assistance to get back into my meditation routine. Besides, who knows what other surprises will be bestowed?
Stay tuned,
Marije
donderdag 9 september 2010
September 9, 2010, The after-math
The 21-Day-Meditation-Challenge ended a week ago. Have I been meditating since? Yes. Have I gotten any better at it? No. Do I have the best intentions? I do. So what exactly did I win by doing this challenge and completing it too?
First of all, let me repeat what I hoped the challenge would bring me. I was hoping for peace. Inner peace and a quiet mind. Better yet, to not have any thoughts at all. Well, soon enough I found out that there is no such thing as not having thoughts. Not having thoughts would mean being dead. Now that could potentially be Nirvana too, but not the kind I was looking for. So I accepted that it is okay to have thoughts while I meditate. I meditate and I have thoughts. That is just the way it is. At least for now.
Furthermore, the challenge has brought me something unexpected. The answer to the question: what do I want? (And it is not: being pissed off!) I want to inspire people. I want to inspire the whole world. I want everyone to be inspired to be the most enlightened version of themselves. To act from love, rather than reacting from fear. To know that a couple of deep breaths will make a difference between a fight and letting go. That being happy is more important than being right.
How am I going to do that? How am I going to inspire the world? I don't know. During those 21 days I have found though, that something inside me has changed. My connection with the Universe has become more palpable (if that is possible). That I am more "in the flow" and that meditating helps me being a better person. I think of Ghandi when I say that in order to change the world, I have to start with myself. I am started. Thoughts or not. How is that for a winner? I'd call it a win-win.
Stay tuned.
Marije
First of all, let me repeat what I hoped the challenge would bring me. I was hoping for peace. Inner peace and a quiet mind. Better yet, to not have any thoughts at all. Well, soon enough I found out that there is no such thing as not having thoughts. Not having thoughts would mean being dead. Now that could potentially be Nirvana too, but not the kind I was looking for. So I accepted that it is okay to have thoughts while I meditate. I meditate and I have thoughts. That is just the way it is. At least for now.
Furthermore, the challenge has brought me something unexpected. The answer to the question: what do I want? (And it is not: being pissed off!) I want to inspire people. I want to inspire the whole world. I want everyone to be inspired to be the most enlightened version of themselves. To act from love, rather than reacting from fear. To know that a couple of deep breaths will make a difference between a fight and letting go. That being happy is more important than being right.
How am I going to do that? How am I going to inspire the world? I don't know. During those 21 days I have found though, that something inside me has changed. My connection with the Universe has become more palpable (if that is possible). That I am more "in the flow" and that meditating helps me being a better person. I think of Ghandi when I say that in order to change the world, I have to start with myself. I am started. Thoughts or not. How is that for a winner? I'd call it a win-win.
Stay tuned.
Marije
woensdag 1 september 2010
September 1, 2010, Day 21
Today is the last day of the meditation challenge. Have I been looking forward to this day? Actually..., no. I have found it very convenient to sit and just listen to Davidji. Not only convenient, but also nice. Very nice. Davidji's voice has become so familiar now. Even though he annoyed me at times, his voice is always soothing and reassuring. So... I feel a bit nostalgic about this last day. And I am still not sure whether I can call myself a "good" meditator by now.
I sit against the couch with my iPod. My thoughts are with me. Davidji recites a poem by Rumi. The words are beautiful, but I miss half of them. I am not really paying attention. I am distracted. I am doing my best to stay focused. I am thinking about tomorrow: "How am I ever going to meditate for 30 minutes twice a day, as suggested by the Chopra Center, if I can't even do it for less time while holding Davidji's hand?" I remind myself that it is normal to have thoughts and that I am meditating anyway. "Okay, just inhale and exhale."
"Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?" No matter how often I repeat this question, I don't get an answer. I do know the answer though, but I think that that doesn't count. I mean, shouldn't the answer come from within? Or by way of some big revelation accompanied with bright flashing lights and heavenly fragrances?
"What do I want? What do I want? What do I want?" I want my leg to stop falling asleep. I want my thoughts to go away. I want to not answer the question. "What is my Dharma"? I give up. I know the answer to this question too. It's just not really working for me today. I want to sit and think about nothing. I breathe in and I breathe out.
"Aham Brahmasmi". There, Davidji just gave the answer. And with that, the 21-day-meditation-challenge has come to an end. It is bitter and sweet, good and bad, a relieve and a disappointment, a joy and a sorrow. It is what it is. Have I gotten from this experience what I expected, or hoped for? Have I won what I wanted to win? I think I have to meditate on these questions some more....
Stay tuned.
Marije
I sit against the couch with my iPod. My thoughts are with me. Davidji recites a poem by Rumi. The words are beautiful, but I miss half of them. I am not really paying attention. I am distracted. I am doing my best to stay focused. I am thinking about tomorrow: "How am I ever going to meditate for 30 minutes twice a day, as suggested by the Chopra Center, if I can't even do it for less time while holding Davidji's hand?" I remind myself that it is normal to have thoughts and that I am meditating anyway. "Okay, just inhale and exhale."
"Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?" No matter how often I repeat this question, I don't get an answer. I do know the answer though, but I think that that doesn't count. I mean, shouldn't the answer come from within? Or by way of some big revelation accompanied with bright flashing lights and heavenly fragrances?
"What do I want? What do I want? What do I want?" I want my leg to stop falling asleep. I want my thoughts to go away. I want to not answer the question. "What is my Dharma"? I give up. I know the answer to this question too. It's just not really working for me today. I want to sit and think about nothing. I breathe in and I breathe out.
"Aham Brahmasmi". There, Davidji just gave the answer. And with that, the 21-day-meditation-challenge has come to an end. It is bitter and sweet, good and bad, a relieve and a disappointment, a joy and a sorrow. It is what it is. Have I gotten from this experience what I expected, or hoped for? Have I won what I wanted to win? I think I have to meditate on these questions some more....
Stay tuned.
Marije
dinsdag 31 augustus 2010
August 31, 2010, Day 20
Day 20 of the challenge. And a real challenge it is. When I am done with my yoga practice, B. says that there is no meditation email and that the meditation is not posted on the Chopra website either. I don't bother to check it and suggest we do our own meditation. After all, we are almost pros now. I put on the Brian Lobst's Sound Meditation track. The one with the singing bowls that Davidji uses all the time.
I sit on my block and take a deep breath in. While I exhale I settle for my meditation. This is the moment all my thoughts have been waiting for. No Davidji who distracts my mind and keeps me from thinking. So there they are again: my thoughts. They fly around like butterflies. They don't have a steady direction but seem to be all over the place. I wonder if I can catch them with a butterfly net. But my thoughts run off, imagining a butterfly net and how I would catch them. "Mmm, if the thoughts are thinking about how they can be caught, who is catching them? And won't my thoughts always be quicker than the catcher? Who is there first? The thought, or the thought that wants to catch the thought? Oh, this gets confusing!" At least I know now, that I am still meditating. I mean, the fact that I am having all these thoughts doesn't mean I am not meditating. Actually, that is another thought I have: buried under all these thoughts must be the meditator somewhere. After almost 10 minutes, I imagine my head being this crystal ball with water that you can shake, and which makes the snow swirl around. Eventually, the snow settles and the water is clear again. It takes me these full 10 minutes to have the swirling thoughts in my head settle down. And then I have had enough. I say a silent "Aham Brahmasmi".
O my, how am I going to do this after the challenge is really over? How can I meditate with ease and without Davidji? I have one more day to practice.
Stay tuned.
Marije
PS. The irony is, that after I'm done and I check my email, it turns out that the Day 20 email was there all the time. I guess this was a cosmic test: to see whether I am ready for Life-after-the-Challenge...
I sit on my block and take a deep breath in. While I exhale I settle for my meditation. This is the moment all my thoughts have been waiting for. No Davidji who distracts my mind and keeps me from thinking. So there they are again: my thoughts. They fly around like butterflies. They don't have a steady direction but seem to be all over the place. I wonder if I can catch them with a butterfly net. But my thoughts run off, imagining a butterfly net and how I would catch them. "Mmm, if the thoughts are thinking about how they can be caught, who is catching them? And won't my thoughts always be quicker than the catcher? Who is there first? The thought, or the thought that wants to catch the thought? Oh, this gets confusing!" At least I know now, that I am still meditating. I mean, the fact that I am having all these thoughts doesn't mean I am not meditating. Actually, that is another thought I have: buried under all these thoughts must be the meditator somewhere. After almost 10 minutes, I imagine my head being this crystal ball with water that you can shake, and which makes the snow swirl around. Eventually, the snow settles and the water is clear again. It takes me these full 10 minutes to have the swirling thoughts in my head settle down. And then I have had enough. I say a silent "Aham Brahmasmi".
O my, how am I going to do this after the challenge is really over? How can I meditate with ease and without Davidji? I have one more day to practice.
Stay tuned.
Marije
PS. The irony is, that after I'm done and I check my email, it turns out that the Day 20 email was there all the time. I guess this was a cosmic test: to see whether I am ready for Life-after-the-Challenge...
maandag 30 augustus 2010
August 30, 2010, Day 19
Day 19 of the meditation challenge. "Am I supposed to see colors when I meditate?", I wonder when I read the title of today's email: "I see colors!". I don't. I mean, I usually don't see colors when I meditate, unless I do a guided meditation and I am guided to visualize a path in the woods, or something similarly symbolic. Then yes, I would see a full-color movie in my mind's eye. Have I missed something during the first 18 days? To my relieve, the email continues to say that we "sometimes" see colors while we meditate. "Okay, good". I do get excited though, when I read that today's meditation will be about the chakras. The energy centers in the body. I have studied the chakras (that is: my own, as well as in general) extensively, so I am curious what the meditation will be like.
I lie down on my yoga mat. I am not cheating. It is Davidji's suggestions that I gladly follow. Davidji talks me through all the seven chakras. Calling them by name, their color, pointing out the issues involved, and chanting the seed sound connected with it. I feel the physical location of each chakra, and I "see" the color of it surrounding my body. I chant the sounds in unison with Davidji. It feels like I am tuning my energy system, like you would do with a musical instrument: Root chakra, red, grounding, "LAM"; Second chakra, orange, sexuality and creativity, "VAM"; Third chakra, yellow, will power, "RAM"; Heart chakra, green, unconditional love, "YAM"; Throat chakra, blue, truth, "HUM"; Third eye, purple "SHAM" (I must say that I get a little distracted here, since I have learned that the sound of this chakra would be "OM", but oh well..); Crown chakra, white, spiritual connection, "OM" (confusion again: "Isn't the sound here silence? As in: no sound? Okay, maybe I shouldn't be thinking and be quiet...".).
At the end of the meditation, it is as if there is a layer of energy hovering above my body. Like the mirage above the road on a hot day. I am not sure what it means, but it doesn't matter. It feels good, even though the meditation is different from what I have done in the past 18 days. There was no silence. No Gap to step into. No nothingness. Interestingly enough, the effect of the meditation is the same. I feel peaceful. And that is exactly what I am after anyways. Only two days more to go.
Stay tuned.
Marije
I lie down on my yoga mat. I am not cheating. It is Davidji's suggestions that I gladly follow. Davidji talks me through all the seven chakras. Calling them by name, their color, pointing out the issues involved, and chanting the seed sound connected with it. I feel the physical location of each chakra, and I "see" the color of it surrounding my body. I chant the sounds in unison with Davidji. It feels like I am tuning my energy system, like you would do with a musical instrument: Root chakra, red, grounding, "LAM"; Second chakra, orange, sexuality and creativity, "VAM"; Third chakra, yellow, will power, "RAM"; Heart chakra, green, unconditional love, "YAM"; Throat chakra, blue, truth, "HUM"; Third eye, purple "SHAM" (I must say that I get a little distracted here, since I have learned that the sound of this chakra would be "OM", but oh well..); Crown chakra, white, spiritual connection, "OM" (confusion again: "Isn't the sound here silence? As in: no sound? Okay, maybe I shouldn't be thinking and be quiet...".).
At the end of the meditation, it is as if there is a layer of energy hovering above my body. Like the mirage above the road on a hot day. I am not sure what it means, but it doesn't matter. It feels good, even though the meditation is different from what I have done in the past 18 days. There was no silence. No Gap to step into. No nothingness. Interestingly enough, the effect of the meditation is the same. I feel peaceful. And that is exactly what I am after anyways. Only two days more to go.
Stay tuned.
Marije
zondag 29 augustus 2010
August 29, 2010, Day 18
"Are there any patterns that you keep repeating and reinforcing that aren’t nourishing you?" It is as if today's email has kept track of what has been going on in my life the last couple of days. Yes, indeed. I did realize the other day, that the reason I was so pissed off had to do with a pattern I am repeating. Is this meditation challenge really creating such synchronicity?
I sit on my yoga block. Davidji explains that the number 18 has significant meaning. I am listening. It is interesting. But then again, I am drifting off. That Pavlov reaction. Subsequently, Davidji talks about the "action, memory, desire, action" sequence. I am listening, but not really. I am contemplating on the questions: "Who am I?" "What do I desire"?
I feel myself expanding. It seems that I don't have a body anymore. I have no boundaries. No limitations. I just sit and breath, feeling at peace and united with everything around me. I sit there comfortably for 18 minutes. My back doesn't even hurt.
Davidji is right: in order to transform the world I need to transform myself. I think I am working on it pretty well. Three more days to go.
Stay tuned.
Marije
I sit on my yoga block. Davidji explains that the number 18 has significant meaning. I am listening. It is interesting. But then again, I am drifting off. That Pavlov reaction. Subsequently, Davidji talks about the "action, memory, desire, action" sequence. I am listening, but not really. I am contemplating on the questions: "Who am I?" "What do I desire"?
I feel myself expanding. It seems that I don't have a body anymore. I have no boundaries. No limitations. I just sit and breath, feeling at peace and united with everything around me. I sit there comfortably for 18 minutes. My back doesn't even hurt.
Davidji is right: in order to transform the world I need to transform myself. I think I am working on it pretty well. Three more days to go.
Stay tuned.
Marije
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